On September 2nd I got a very difficult phone call from my Sister Linda... through crying and extreme emotion she said "Lisa...Amber is dead!" I started screaming and crying... with all the challenges and bad choices Amber has made through the years, I still couldn't believe it. I continue to be heartbroken for my Sister and her wonderful family. The addition of this grief and pain on top of the past and continued challenges just seem to be too much. How do we carry more grief?
I am grateful I was able to fly to Las Vegas and be with the family. Hugs, good talks, tears and sharing good experiences helped to begin to heal our hearts. I love all the memories and pictures we were able to share. They had a viewing that was attended by so many people sharing their love and support. It is so good to see all the concern and love surrounding their family... it buoyed them up.
We had a private graveside service that was so spiritual. It was so hard to see Leah's gravesite and now Amber's right next to her. It almost seemed surreal... it is still hard to believe. Mom's gravesite is just feet away.
We went to breakfast together after to celebrate James and Jennie's Birthday's...these two have been lucky to share Birthday celebrations together many times through the years...
Uncle James and the Big Beefer! (NOT Jennie...but Asher baby!)
We then had a wonderful Memorial Service with those who knew Amber from the time she was little. It was a wonderful way to celebrate her life. Her greatest gift in this life is her son Kaden. We love him so much. He was such a brave young man... I hope he feels our love and support!
I loved hearing all the stories during the week of how Ambs helped others. She would put her arm around the girl at High School that no one would pay any attention to... and tell her she was beautiful. On girl said "Amber got me through High School" ... another told how she would eat lunch in a bathroom stall because no one would eat with her. Amber invited her to eat with her and her friends... it made such an impact. Story after story like these were shared.
My Tyler shared a memory... "When I was 8 years old my cousin Amber was busy selling candy bars in her neighborhood in Las Vegas. I wanted one. So she gave me 50 cents out of her earnings, had me give it right back to her, and she handed me the candy bar. A 100 Grand. That's the Amber I'll always love and remember. Unfortunately she passed away yesterday, and I will always wish I could have spent more time with her. I'm grateful to know exactly where she is and who is tickling her back. Love you Aunt Linda, Uncle Al, Jennie, Amy and Ally.
Memories of the girls with Tyler up and Grampa Jack and Grami's Cabin...
Tyler and Brad remember many summer trips to the beach with the girls... such wonderful and tender memories!
My memories start with being at Sharon and Ron's the morning we got a call from Mom saying Linda was at the hospital about to have her baby. Sharon got me up about 5:30 am, quickly did my hair and rushed me to the hospital. We got there just in time to see the most beautiful dark haired and big dark eyed baby! Mom was so thrilled and just couldn't get over how beautiful she was.
I was able to spend a lot of time with Linda and Allyn while the older girls were little...sweet memories!
Jennie said she found a letter I wrote to her on her 3rd Birthday... I wrote how she and Amber were my best friends... so true! :) I remember dressing up as a vampire at Halloween as a teenager and scaring Amber to death!
I remember when they lived in the trailer while they built the Patrick house... Amber and Jennie and I would sleep together in the queen bed in the bedroom and Linda and Al were out on the pull out couch bed and Leah was in her crib.
I remember later being at the Patrick house and singing "You Are the Sun, You Are the Rain" at the top of our lungs with Amber, Jennie, Leah and the Shelton girls... Helping to get Amb and Jen ready for "Star's" dance performances...
Then seeing them excel in dance and cheer throughout Jr. High and High School.
Sunday afternoon dance-offs in the family room.
When I went away to BYU, I couldn't wait to get home to see my girls... Having them as beautiful flower girls at my wedding!
James and I taking Amber and Jen to their very first concert... Whitney Houston! Visits to Utah after we moved... Shopping trips with Grami... I am so grateful for all the wonderful cherished memories!
Then wonderful memories with my own children...
I am so grateful for family---family is everything! I think that is why the pain of loss is so great. It seems like the grief from losing my Mom, then Leah, then Caleb and now Amber has all returned and combined over the past few weeks. I have had a difficult time getting through the grief and feeling of loss and sadness. Tears just continue to come... but I know where they all are. I know Amber and Leah are progressing there in a way they just could not here. I know Caleb is loving and helping his Mom. I know Grami/Mom is there loving, teaching and taking care of them all.
Amy sent us a wonderful quote by Henry Van Dyke that has brought me some comfort...
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length.
She hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says:
"There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
"Here she comes!"
I know those who have moved on have all been welcomed home by a loving Father in Heaven.
